Cover letter #36

Honestly, now, I am writing from scratch, if only to entertain myself.  Clearly whatever I'm doing isn't working so I am ditching my tried and true letters and responding to how I feel when I am writing.  Of course, the anxiety is creeping back in as time passes and those 'conversations' I had two weeks ago fade in my memory, as clearly, I have faded from potential employers.  I sought out names of professional employment firms in the night and next week will road trip to Portland to meet with someone for a look at my resume and my cover letters and some good old fashioned advice.  Could it be reverse culture failure?  Is it the white hair?  I am a bag of doubts and wonders, none of which is helpful.  Each day I gaze at the sea and practice my gratitude prayers but even that moment of peaceful beauty and grace doesn't make up for 24.5 hours of dismay and discouragement.  I imagine it must be my guardian angel who is keeping the sun out for me so that I remember how to shine.  I take hope from that belief.  And my girlfriend today encouraged a daily dose of bubbles in the prelude to V-day.  I am already wearing red or pink each day, the bubbles are another way of smiling back at God and encouraging love into my life.  And good friends.  I raise my glass to both ideas, all of you.